Even the bartender felt bad for me
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
