i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
