Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
