I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize