i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
