Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
