if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
