Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
