Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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