so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
