Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
