Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
