just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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