Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
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