The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
