the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Randomize
