the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
