If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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