A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
that is very illegal...i love you.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
