he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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