I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Randomize
