i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
