Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
