i think i have herpe
just one?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
