We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
