Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
