There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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