I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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