u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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