you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Randomize
