I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize