also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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