if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
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