On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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