he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Why are your pants in the freezer?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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