No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
