I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
