grandma shit on top of the toilet
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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