between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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