Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
