I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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