wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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