can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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