i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
