I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
