she was so not down for the gang bang
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I need to stop coming to work sober
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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