wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Sext me about skeletons
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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