I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
We are two peas in an std pod
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
