how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
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