I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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