How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
