I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Randomize
