those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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