i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
