I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Then you guys just all showered together...?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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