so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
