too bad you live with your parents still
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
