During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
