he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
