3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
