ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
