I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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