I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
