Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
