yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
