so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
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