so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
