Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I need to calm my uterus...
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
