She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
