oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
