My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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